Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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