is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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