I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
