Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize