First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
