I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
