I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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