he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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