At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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