he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
