Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
