so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He felt like a one man threesome
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
