Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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