i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
