Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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