He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
