need another drink. this is the easiest way
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
