office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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