I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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