White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
