The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
