community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
