you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
