You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
