No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a hot homeless man
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
