just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
