yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
