Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
