Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
