dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
