Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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