brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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