OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
