So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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