I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to calm my uterus...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
