Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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