last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize