the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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