Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
