According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
