Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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