Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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