you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize