So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
