if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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