I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
