you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
