I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
