i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
