I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize