I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
