Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize