im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
