Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
