The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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