Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
