I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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