may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
