don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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