It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
