I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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