woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
