He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
