What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
