You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
