i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
