We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
