u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize