yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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