I just cut my nipple shaving
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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