new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
