ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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