Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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