I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
